


What do you say?

by isa_belle



Series: Taz Balance [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Grief/Mourning, I'm Sorry, she definitely thinks he is though, sort of a character death except he's not actually dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24145027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isa_belle/pseuds/isa_belle
Summary: Carey feels the weight of the galaxy crash down onto her chest a million times over. It knocks the wind straight out of her lungs, makes her throat burn and her eyes sting. She doesn’t understand.He didn’t make it.or, the aftermath of Magnus' "death" in Wonderland
Relationships: Carey Fangbattle/Killian, Magnus Burnsides & Carey Fangbattle
Series: Taz Balance [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068122
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	What do you say?

**Author's Note:**

> Carey and Magnus have such a lovely friendship! And she thought he was dead for a little bit and that's very very sad.  
> Anyway, hope you like it

Carey feels the weight of the galaxy crash down onto her chest a million times over. It knocks the wind straight out of her lungs, makes her throat burn and her eyes sting. She doesn’t understand.

_He didn’t make it._

The words are all she can hear, really, all she can focus on. In the distance, some far off place, she can hear Killian too, but it doesn’t matter. Her head is full to the brink with those same four words. _He didn’t make it. He didn’t make it. He didn’t make it_.

She can’t connect the dots. The pieces are there, she knows, but her brain won’t let her draw that final conclusion.

It was just another mission. They had trained. For months and months, they’d prepared. She’d taught him everything she knew. Prepped him. He was ready, that was supposed to keep him safe. He was supposed to be _okay_.

It’s all so distant, all so quick. His death feels as unceremonious as waking up. And the word unceremonious is so _tragic_. It takes the wind out of the thing, doesn’t even give it time to land. There’s no glory, no grace, just an action and a consequence. No fanfare or parades or great speeches. It’s abrupt, shooting in right in your blind spot and hitting you _hard_ before you can even blink. It tears through you and just as you realize it’s happening, it’s over. No time to think or consider until it’s too late.

It doesn’t make sense. _It doesn’t make sense._ He shouldn’t be gone, it’s not fair, it’s not logical. He should be here. Her brain can’t even process the fact that he’s not. She just sits and cries like it’s the end of the world because it feels so very much like it is.

She rubs her eyes, to wipe away the blurry tears. She tries to breathe but it doesn’t work, she can’t make it work. Her efforts to compose herself are fruitless. She takes a deep breath and, for a moment, is calm, but then the moment is over and she crushed under a familiar weight. It’s just one step forward, two steps back, over and over and over. She speaks, helplessly, almost without her own consent. And she sounds _wrecked._

“He was my best friend.”

And that little transition, that _is_ to _was_. God. Just one tiny word, a word that shouldn’t mean anything at all. It somehow tears her heart right out of her chest and crushes it beneath a sturdy foot. It’s all too fast, all too much, devastating in a way she can’t even process. She just sits and cries and tries to understand why. One moment someone is. And then they _aren’t_ anymore. How’s anyone supposed to deal with that? How’s anyone supposed to go on living?

The arm around her shoulders doesn’t ground her like it should, but she leans into it anyway. Killian is warm and comfortable and home, but Carey still feels lost. She feels very far away and very very empty. Her chest aches like it’s gonna cave in on itself. She coughs up another sob.

It’s just so unfair. Good people do good things and get rewarded with what? Death? Loss? What the fuck is the point of being good if you can never win? What’s the fucking point?

Magnus was selfless ( _was was was_ ). He was kind and goofy and stupid sometimes. He was wonderful and caring and so very good. And now he _is_ dead. How is that fair? How’s that just? Why do the fucking gods or the universe or whatever greater power there is just sit idly by while tragedies wreck the world, when people are fighting and dying for nothing?

It all seems to boil down to one cliche question, one that she would’ve shrugged off hours ago, said something stupid about fate or karma or philosophy. _Why do bad things happen to good people?_

She doesn’t know.

It’s not fair, it’s not just, it’s not right, it just _is_. And Carey feels... hopeless

She curls closer to Killian, impossibly closer, and the tears flow like rivers from her eyes but she can’t even be bothered to stop them anymore.

Carey sits. Carey thinks. Carey cries.

_He didn’t make it_

“He was my best friend.”

_Was, was, was._

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! if you enjoyed, leave a comment so i can get that good validation i crave.  
> Byee


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